Daily Digest

Category: Relationships

  • Dear Gluten Dude: I’m newly diagnosed…when does it get better??

    Dear Gluten Dude: I’m newly diagnosed…when does it get better??

    Sorry for the delay in posts to the Daily Digest folks. Running two businesses, family, knee surgery and LIFE has gotten the best of me lately. I promise to do better moving forward.

    Anyway…here’s an email I received:

    Hi Gluten Dude,

    I was diagnosed with Celiac this summer, a week before my 24th birthday. It was supposed to be my “golden birthday”, turning 24 on the 24th. Instead, it was essentially another day of people cracking jokes at my expense – “oh I added extra gluten to my burrito today” and crap like that.

    I’m struggling with how to find a balance in my social life. I want to still see people, but I feel like they get tired of me talking about CD constantly. I also live in a very small community with very limited resources, and I feel like my world is just shrinking smaller and smaller. I already struggle with anxiety and depression. My husband tries so hard to understand what I am going through but he has no context in his own life.

    I guess I’m asking, when does it get better? When do I get to not live in fear of food? I know my life is changed forever, but everyone, my family included, seems to think this is just a phase. How do I get my bearings back?

    Thank you.

    Just a phenomenal email. I think most of us have been in dark places at some point with our disease. I’ll share how I got out of mine and hopefully you all can pipe in and share your journeys as well. You’ll not only be helping this lovely person, but I’m sure many more as well.

    First, I’d like you to read my five-part series on How to Go Gluten-Free. It touches on my experiences after diagnosis and gives specific advice on how to handle the transition. I think the two most important factors in the transition are your attitude and your support system.

    Without acceptance that this is your new journey, it will be tough to get over that hump.

    Without the desire to WANT to feel better, gluten-free will always be a challenge.

    And without those closest to you getting on board, you will always have that tension in your life. A tension that will make it even more difficult for your body to heal. I’m a huge believer that stress plays a vital role in our physical well-being. Life itself is stressful enough. Try not to surround yourself with people who make it more so.

    I have a whole section my GlutenDude.com blog about dealing with relationships (https://glutendude.com/category/relationships). Please pick the most applicable posts and send the links to your husband and your family so they know that this is not just a phase. This is your life. And celiac disease does not define you. It’s just now a part of who you are.

    I wish you the best and please keep in touch with me.

    GD

    And I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t
    So here’s to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
    And I’m ready to suffer and I’m ready to hope
    It’s a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat

    – Shake it Out, Florence + the Machine

  • Dear Gluten Dude: My Celiac Wife Treats Me Like the Enemy

    Dear Gluten Dude: My Celiac Wife Treats Me Like the Enemy

    Did you know that I have a whole section of  Gluten-Free Love Stories on my blog?  Fantastic, heartwarming stories of how celiac/gluten has brought people together.

    But today, we have something quite the opposite. It seems celiac disease is breaking this marriage up.

    Yes, I’m sure there are many underlying issues as well so I am not pinning this on celiac disease, but it’s not helping matters.

    Read on and share your thoughts.

    ——————————————————————–

    Dear Gluten Dude,

    I KNOW guys are dumb but am I really the idiot my pregnant wife w/ celiac disease makes me out to be??

    I bought her groceries at the hour-trip-across-town grocer. On the way, I bought her some lip gloss (gf of course…she even had me watching YouTube about it.) I bought the 30 dollar stuff thinking I’m gonna be a hero and instead I turned out to be the fool.

    Apparently in Sephora (the store where I bought the lip gloss), gluten is in the air by way of perfume. My clothes are then glutened and I go to the grocery store after this. I buy 50 dollars worth of salsa, whole pineapple and cherries.

    I have tried to surprise her before with other things. Not food. It seems there is always some way to call me an idiot. I cook her food and spend hours via bus and train getting her food. I admit I get frustrated but why do I have to be yelled at even for wearing my jacket in the kitchen? She sends me to stores just to make me return it all even if I even wash my hands thoroughly and double tie the bags.

    I read your spousal support article but at what point is it not my fault? I can’t erase gluten from history (can I?).

    I just want to know what should I do? She is driving me crazy. I know she did not ask for CD. But she yells at me for eating gluten…period. She changes the rules everyday. I can’t afford to buy gluten free food for 2 people on what I make. I cook her food with a clean kitchen and wash my hands with dawn to the point of peeling.

    Do you have any advice for me? I fear we will be heading for divorce.

    ——————————————————————–

    A few quick thoughts here. As I said above, it seems to me your marriage issues go beyond celiac disease but I am not wearing my marriage counselor hat today, so I’ll leave that to the experts.

    To you I would say try to be patient. Celiac can affect somebody not only physically, but emotionally too. Add that to being pregnant and there could be a lot going on with her right now.

    I would say to your wife that she needs to ease up on the gluten paranoia a bit. Yes…we need to be incredibly careful. But worrying about perfume on your clothes and then going grocery shopping seems a bit extreme to me. Celiacs don’t live in a plastic bubble. Being paranoid stops us from enjoying life.

    And there is no reason for you to take any heat for eating gluten. You don’t have celiac disease…she does.

    Good luck to the both of you.

  • New Boyfriend. New Celiac Problems. Help!!

    New Boyfriend. New Celiac Problems. Help!!

    I’ve been happily married to the one and only Mrs. Dude for 32 years now. We were already 15 years in when I got the dreaded celiac diagnosis. While obviously the diagnosis itself pretty much sucked, at least Mrs. Dude and I were able to learn the ropes together. Well…let’s be honest…Mrs. Dude took command and I followed her lead.

    But I know that most aren’t that lucky. This call for help is for all you folks out there who have navigated the “new relationship” thing with celiac disease. Here’s the email:

    Hey Gluten Dude,Just when I thought I had this whole Celiac thing figured out, I got hit with another life event that throws a wrench in my routines and ‘safety procedures’; I got divorced.

    Now I’m still young, and childless, so this has simplified parts of this scenario (and it was for the best really). But time has passed and what I’m left with now is figuring out how to navigate the dating world as a Celiac. And I don’t mean going out for drinks with someone and playing mini-putt. I mean the stage of dating where you go over Friday, and then its Sunday, and you wonder how so much time passed… and then you wonder why you can’t concentrate, why your neuropathy is back, and why everything hurts. BAM. Glutened at new-potential-partner’s-house. No real surprise there; lets be honest.

    Now he’s an understanding guy, and has dated the fad-gluten-free-types before. In fact, he’s vegan, so he understands restrictions. But not exactly cross-contamination. It’s early days, but as I spend more and more time with him, I will be required to eat. And I can’t live with being in a constant state of cross-contamination. He would come to my place, but he’s deathly allergic to my cat (and I’m not about to evict the cat just yet…). And the real kicker; while he has his own place, he’s an expert Couchsurfing host, meaning new people are always cooking in his kitchen.

    Thoughts!? How do others navigate this part of dating? Do I pack lunches and dinners for myself? Do I eat processed foods? Do I eat foods that require less prep at his place? Do I get rid of my cat? Do I suffer in silence? Do I demand he stop hosting Couchsurfers (a hobby he loves)? I don’t want to be THAT girl!!

    HELP.

    I really never thought I ‘d have this problem.

    Signed,

    Smitten, but glutened.

    Ok…I’ll give it my best shot, one question at a time.

    Do I pack lunches and dinners for myself? Until you can feel safe at his place…yes. Or you offer to cook, getting the point across how important it is that you know exactly what is in every morsel you eat. (Isn’t celiac fun??!!)

    Do I eat processed foods? Nooo.

    Do I eat foods that require less prep at his place? Now you’re talking. No need to go all elaborate. Keep it simple. Best advice for all celiacs.

    Do I get rid of my cat? Nope. Is there anything he can take on his end?

    Do I suffer in silence? Definitely NOT.

    Do I demand he stop hosting Couchsurfers (a hobby he loves)? Dang…so many things to consider. Demand? No. Discuss? Yes.

  • Dude…my dad almost died from celiac, but won’t stop eating gluten

    Dude…my dad almost died from celiac, but won’t stop eating gluten

    Celiac disease is serious sh*t. I know that. You know that. You know who doesn’t know that? EVERYONE ELSE. And why?

    Because of Jimmy Kimmel, who made gluten-free people look idiotic.
    Because of Dr. Oz, who called gluten-free a scam.
    Because of the ridiculous Kardashians, who jumped on (and off) the bandwagon.
    Because of Jimmy Fallon, who consistently has made us the butt end of his lame jokes.
    Because of Party City, who called us gross.
    Because of the Today Show, who said celiac is the new “trendy disease.”
    Because of Elle Magazine, who said we live in a bubble.
    Because of Joy Behar, who called celiac disease a “bunch of baloney”.

    (Dude note: The above was a painful walk down memory lane. And I just touched the surface. Sigh.)

    And yes, because of the medical community, who continue to under-diagnose and misdiagnose our wonderful little autoimmune disease.

    Why do I bring all of this up? Because of an email I received recently from a son whose dad almost died of celiac disease, yet will not stop eating gluten. Here’s the email:

    Hello Gluten Dude,My father was diagnosed with celiac disease in June of 2019, at the age of 60. He was hospitalized in May for severe anemia, and required three blood transfusions to recover. They told us that if he had not had the strength to go to the hospital that day, he would have died. The doctors later found out that it was due to celiac disease. If he followed a gluten-free diet, he would be fine.

    However, my father has not been taking this diagnosis seriously. He is the type of person who likes to eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and scorns anything that is not traditional food. I have tried to bring him gluten-free snacks and food, take him to gluten-free bakeries, and show as many options as possible. I have talked to him about the potential health implications of ignoring the gluten-free diet, such as cancer or having the severe anemia come back. But he is flippant and says that if the anemia comes back he can just go back to the hospital and have more transfusions.

    I don’t know if he has symptoms or how severe they are, but he also has had diabetes and insomnia his whole life, so if he has any digestive issues or weakness he attributes it to those, so he doesn’t realize that celiac could be affecting his life. The other day, he wanted to go to IHOP for an omelette, but ended up ordering pancakes and french toast.

    While we were there, I had a serious discussion about him about the implications of not following a gluten-free diet with celiac disease, and he told me he would start taking it seriously. But the following morning, I found biscotti wrappers and an empty cake tin and an empty packet of roti. Last night, I ordered a gluten-free pizza, but he insisted he had to have beer with pizza and went out to get beer, despite my attempts to come with him and find a gluten-free beer. (There weren’t any at the local supermarket and he wouldn’t go anywhere else; I’m also 19 so I can’t buy it for him.)

    I believe not liking gluten-free food is a mental thing for him. I think he thinks any specialized diet is weird and that their food is disgusting: for years before this I’ve been vegan, and he always loves the baked goods I make until I tell him it’s vegan, and then his mind immediately flips. Similarly, he hears the word “gluten-free” and immediately assumes in his mind that it’s less than and that it is disgusting, like “oh this is okay, for being gluten-free.” Sometimes I understand it: I try the food he has and I can see that some of it is not the same. But the majority of it is completely a mental thing.

    I brought home gluten-free brownies from a bakery and I tried one and they tasted exactly like any other brownie I’ve had in my life, chocolaty and delicious and the texture was the same. However, to him it was awful. It’s just frustrating to me when he can still eat so much food that he loves: he can have steak and potatoes and rice and brownies and muffins, as long as the baked goods are gluten-free, and he can only see the negative aspect of life.

    The solution is so simple and his life can stay relatively the same: instead of going to Panera Bread to have coffee and a bear claw, he can go to Organic Bliss and have coffee and a gluten-free pastry. But he doesn’t see it that way.

    My question is, is there anything I can do to help convince him to take his disease seriously? Is there even anything else I can do at this point, or should I just leave him be? I don’t live near him, so I can’t monitor what he’s eating: as I’ve said before, even if I did, it wouldn’t help. He actually lives alone, so there’s nobody to check up on him except when I call. When he was hospitalized in May, it was the same day I was flying in to visit him, and if he had not made it to the hospital that day I would have come home and found him dead.

    That image has scared me ever since, and when he doesn’t pick up I am so scared that something happened, because I know he leads a lifestyle that could contribute to his death. He doesn’t take his doctors seriously either. I understand that he’s an adult and he can make his own decisions, but as someone who cares about him, it just makes life really hard.

    Do I need to just let it go, and when something more serious happens, he can decide whether eating gluten is worth it at that point? But if having a near brush with death doesn’t convince someone to go gluten-free, I don’t know what will. However hard I try, I can’t make the decision for him, and it just makes me sad when I sit across from someone who is eating something that may directly contribute to their death or major health problems in the future. I think over this trip, I’m starting to come to terms with the fact that I’ve tried, and if when I leave he reverts back to eating the way he used to and dies as a result, it won’t be my fault.

    Thank you for reading my message. I’m sorry it is so long. Please let me know if you have any advice.

    First…you are an amazing son and your dad should thank his lucky stars he has someone who cares for him so much. Perhaps if I cared as much about my dad’s health when he was overindulging, he’d still be here.

    As to why he still insists on eating gluten, had he heard of the gluten-free diet before he was diagnosed? Did he think it was just a trend and not to be taken seriously, even if it affects your health? Perhaps he had some bias going into this. Or perhaps he’s just being stubborn and is set in his ways.

    Here are some more facts you can try to throw his way:

    • Fact: People with celiac disease (who do not eat gluten-free) have twice the death rate of those without the intestinal disorder.
    • Fact: People with untreated celiac disease have a moderately increased risk of suicide.
    • Fact: Patients with celiac disease are more likely to be afflicted with problems relating to malabsorption, osteoporosis, tooth enamel defects, central and peripheral nervous system disease, pancreatic disease, internal hemorrhaging, organ disorders (gall bladder, liver, and spleen), and gynecological disorders.
    • Fact: Untreated celiac disease has been linked an increased risk of certain types of cancer, especially intestinal lymphoma.

    Will any of these facts change your dad’s eating habits? I don’t know but I get the sense they won’t.

    My suggestion? Show him this article. If nothing else, it will show him how far you are willing to go to help him. And if he still doesn’t listen? Leave him be. You’ve done what you can and the rest is on him. If god forbid something does happen to him, it is not your fault.

    I wish you both nothing but the best.

    GD

  • How’s your sex drive?

    How’s your sex drive?

    A girl phoned me the other day and said, “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.

    I think sex is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.

    Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”.

    You know “that look” women get when they want sex?…Me neither.

    Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

    No…a low libido is nothing to joke about but a little levity always helps in discussing a touchy subject. Plus I’m very immature and sex jokes make me giggle.

    So…has celiac affected you at all…ummm…down there? Have you lost that lovin’ feeling? Is your libido in the tank?

    Here’s an email from a fellow celiac who is a bit frustrated. Read on.

    Gluten Dude,

    So, we talk about a lot of ways that being Celiac and gluten intolerant affect our lives but have we ever had the sex talk on the blog? Yeah, it’s very personal but it’s important and I’ve been debating about whether or not to bring it up but…

    I can deal with not eating out, cooking my own food, and the irritated and skeptical looks from people. But what I absolutely hate and is the one thing that I wish I could change (if I had to choose one) is the loss of spontaneity and the effect that my body being so out of whack has had on my sex drive – meaning that for a long time, I had NONE.

    I do find my spouse attractive and love him deeply, so it is extremely frustrating that this special part our our relationship has been impacted, and it makes me feel that I am not providing what he needs. He has never once complained about this but I know it frustrates him too. We will never get the years back while I was undiagnosed or on the mend and it just stinks!

    I’m sure many others have gone through or are currently dealing with this. So, to anyone who has normally been a frisky person and is now having sex drive issues, ask for blood tests to check hormone levels as well as an adrenal stress test to see if any of those hormone levels are out of whack.

    Thanks for listening!

    Thanks for listening? Thank YOU for sharing.

    Me personally? My sex drive could be better…I’ll admit. Not sure if it’s celiac-related, stress-related or the fact that I haven’t reached puberty just yet.

    What about you folks? If your libido is low, I’d love to hear about it.

    And if your libido is high, I’d love to hear even more about it 😉

  • Tell Your Family ‘All it Takes is ONE Crumb’

    Tell Your Family ‘All it Takes is ONE Crumb’

    This post is about a family’s insistence on not being careful around a celiac family member. It seems I get these types of emails once a month. It is so maddening/depressing that here we are in 2021 and people in our community are still dealing with this sh*t.

    Before I get into the email, whenever I write an article, I try to find an interesting image to go along with it. There are a number of good stock photos sites that are free to use. As I was searching for an image of ‘bread crumbs’, I actually got anxious looking at all of the photos. No joke. I’ll call it PSCD: Post Traumatic Celiac Disorder. Anyway…onto the email.

    Hello! I was diagnosed with celiac disease for about 4 months. My mother immediately realized the situation and took action (she is fantastic). She decided not to take the gluten out of the house (only I was going to eat gluten-free), bought me gluten-free food and tried to avoid any contamination.

    The problem is that I don’t live alone with my mother. I have a stepfather and he has two children. And they are not careful. They eat bread and cookies and don’t wash their hands and then touch things like the dishes I eat. I warn them and they say that I am obsessive and it is not because they do not wash their hands that I will be in pain. Sometimes they say that they just touch my stuff with 1 or 2 fingers, so for them, it doesn’t matter.

    My mom and I don’t know what to do anymore because they don’t do things well, nor do they want to take gluten out of the house. The problem is that I have other bowel problems and there cannot be contamination at all.

    Please help us. My mother and I no longer know what to do.

    I’m so out of patience for this kind of crap. What will it take to get the world to understand the seriousness of celiac disease. I could just sit here and rant and rave, but that won’t help anyone. So…and you may be familiar with this phrase lately…let’s trust the science. Multiple studies have shown that damage to the intestine can be caused by as little as 10mg of gluten. How much is 10mg you ask?

    10mg bread crumb

    This image is from Gluten-Free Watchdog. On the right is a quarter. On the left is 10mg of toasted bread. Mind you, this is toasted bread. 10mg of pure gluten would be much smaller.

    Ok…so now we know that the laziness and cruelty of your family (mom not included) can hurt you, what is the solution? Let’s go over some options.

    1) Move out. And I know this is most likely not an option since it’s your mother’s husband, it’s a financial burden, etc. But family health comes first. And the fact is, they are putting you in harms way with their callousness. Perhaps something to discuss with your mom until they realize what they are doing.

    2) No more gluten in the house. From your email, I assume your mom does the food shopping. If she no longer buys any food with gluten in it, it greatly reduces the risk of cross-contamination. The only way gluten gets in your house is if the stepdad or sons bring it in.

    For those of you out there, I am not suggesting every household with a celiac in it should be gluten-free. Mine was not for many years when my kids were younger. But everyone knew the rules and followed them. That’s what considerate people do.

    3) Lay down the line. Since it seems you have already pleaded your case, stronger words/actions must be taken. I have no idea how old you are but someone has to take the lead here. You and/or your mom has to sit your stepdad down and have a serious talking to. Kind of like “it’s my way or the highway” kind of conversation. No idea how he will react to this, not knowing your relationship. But strength works.

    4) You ever seen Pope of Greenwich Village? Yes I’m just kidding.

    Hang in there. Hoping for better days ahead.

  • Surround yourself with good people. You deserve it.

    Surround yourself with good people. You deserve it.

    I’m blessed. I’m more than blessed. The people I surround myself with are friggin’ awesome.

    My wife and daughters? Simply the best.
    My brothers? Very cool.
    My friends? So much fun.
    My in-laws? Amazing.

    But sadly I hear story after story of people who are surrounded by total turds and it just ain’t right. Here’s an email I just received last night.

    We travel a significant distance to celebrate Christmas with my husband’s family. I would prefer we not have a gift exchange, but they insist. We try to put a lot of thought into what we give them, trying to be practical, because as we get older, who really needs more STUFF?I was diagnosed 7 years ago with celiac disease, so it’s not anything new to them. We usually bring the entire meal, so they don’t have to worry about accommodating my diet, not that they would anyway. At least I know I’ll be able to eat/celebrate with them.

    I was very sad when I opened my gift this year to find a giant tin of gluten-filled store-bought cookies!!! I was so taken aback. I said, “Thanks, I’m sure Tom will enjoy eating these.” I know it’s the thought that counts, but then WHAT was she thinking? Giving gluten cookies to a celiac is like giving a basketball to a blind man or a work-out video to someone in a wheelchair.

    I felt very sad. On the way home, in the dark, I shed silent tears.

    The world is an ugly place and it’s getting uglier by the minute. We’re losing our way as a civilization. We’ve been given this amazing planet to live on and instead of sharing our resources peacefully, we argue and we fight and we kill. Over land. Over religion. Over politics. Over money. What a waste.

    My point? Life is short. You deserve to be happy. We all deserve to be happy. Celiac or no celiac.

    If you are surrounded by people like the above, get them out of your life. It’s inexcusable for anyone EVER to give a box of gluten-filled cookies to a celiac.

    Get the toxins out of your life and find yourself some peace.

  • Gluten-Free Love Story: To Infinity and Beyond…Celiac

    Gluten-Free Love Story: To Infinity and Beyond…Celiac

    Years back, I had people send me gluten-free love stories. There were no rules. I ended up receiving a lot of them and I will post them sporadically on the Daily Digest. The following one sticks with me to this day.

    —

    Our love story is not a conventional one. It is definitely one of love. But also a long, complicated, emotional, work in progress….our lovely life.

    In 2004, I married the love of my life. A hard working, loving, caring, intelligent person who would help anyone at anytime if it was in his power. We did everything together. We loved our lunch time phone calls from work and our weekday meals. We looked forward to the little mundane things, like long walks and short drives, and tv shows on Tuesday and Thursday nights. We were so predictable. We thought we had a plan, one to last a lifetime.

    In 2006, we were pregnant! We were having a baby due to arrive June 2007! I was very sick throughout the entire pregnancy. I was placed in the hospital 3 times with dehydration. Who would have thought, possibly Celiac was to blame. (I had been anemic since I was a young girl). I heard…“Keep eating the BRAT diet, it’ll help”. I’m sure that whole grain toast did me well.

    We referred to our little bundle as “the Golden Child” all the time. (Fittingly, if you ask his hair color now, he will tell you it is spun gold.)

    Just two and a half short years later, in December 2009, our world was shattered. My husband, and amazing father to our son, left for work and never returned. It was an accident. There are simply no words to describe this time in our life.

    Every morning I woke to a bright blue eyed boy with and an amazing smile on my his face. That smile breathed new life into me everyday. And it became clear, though this wasn’t the life we signed up for, I have to provide a life worthy of this little person because he has already moved mountains in my world.

    Last April, I became sick and had a high fever. I went to the Dr. I was diagnosed with pneumonia and lyme disease. Odd, as we are not outdoor people and it was April in Ohio. I was then placed on heavy antibiotics and referred to an infectious disease Dr. who confirmed it was a virus.

    I decided to change my PCP. It was a great move. I found a very caring Dr. She took the extra steps, given our situation. She ordered a set of blood tests which showed definite malabsorbtion issues. Alot of blood tests later, it was confirmed; off the charts Celiac Disease and Hypoparathyroidism. I then proceeded to get 8 rounds of iron infusions. I went to a GI Dr., had a biopsy through an endoscopy and it was confirmed definite Celiac.

    The possibilities that were running through my mind, were very scary. My son (age 5) said, “it’s just a food thing.” This is great! What a positive spin.

    It was recommended to have my son tested for Celiac by the nutritionist, my PCP, and the GI Dr. So, we found ourselves in the lab, giving blood one more time. The nurse said close your eyes and think of the beach. My son said, “You forgot the rubber band on my arm and the ball for me to squeeze. There’s no need for me to look away or think of a beach, I am not afraid.” A surprised nurse asked if he would like a job.

    Luckily, my son does not currently have Celiac Disease. Yet, he still checks every label. He knows to look for the words wheat, gluten, rye, barley, etc…all the important ones found on the ingredient label. And he is certain to let everyone know if they offer me food at a function, it has to be gluten free. He looks out for me in every way.

    After following a gluten free diet and finishing the 8 rounds of iron infusions, my stomach issues were escalating. I went to a new GI Dr.; my son by my side through it all. He said to my son, “you will like me, I am going to help your mom.”

    My son, skeptical, said “we’ll see.”

    This already dedicated GI Dr. was even more determined to figure out the cause. I had a colonoscopy on December 23rd. And I was diagnosed a week and a half later with Lymphocytic Colitis. Since this diagnosis, and treatment, my quality of life has vastly improved. No more sleepless nights due to GI issues. I have yet to see my endocrinologist. The appointment is fast approaching. And I have to get labs drawn again soon to see if my iron levels are maintaining.

    Whenever there is a down moment or I look like I am reflecting, my brave son tells me “chin up buttercup”, something my husband used to say to me all the time.

    And I tell him “I love you to infinity and beyond”, something his dad and I would always say to him before bed. The last thing his father said to him.

    I know I can get through anything as long as I have the love of this 5 year old little Golden Child.

  • Dude…how do I support my best friend who was just diagnosed with celiac disease?

    Dude…how do I support my best friend who was just diagnosed with celiac disease?

    I have had celiac disease for (…counting fingers and toes…) over 17 years and the support I have received from family, friends, and of course this community has been incredible. And for that I am grateful. But after I received the following email, I realized that in that 14 years, none of MY friends or family have been diagnosed with celiac disease. And for that I am insanely jealous also grateful. Anyway, here is the email:

    Hi there. I stumbled upon your blog today while researching how to support my best friend who was just diagnosed with celiac after a pretty acute Gastro couple months and finally gave in went to the doc did the blood work and got the news this week. What support does he need from a friend?

    Now THAT is a good friend! We need more people like her in this world. My main piece of advice would just be to “be there” for him. Like any disease, getting diagnosed can be a shock to the system. And getting diagnosed with celiac, because of the overwhelming life change that must take place, can be really intense. Listen to his fears and concerns and help him off the ledge, so to speak. Like I said, it’s an overwhelming diagnosis. But it can be managed and it does get easier as time goes by. Here are some other quick tips:

    Be patient. It’s a whole new world where gluten is now his enemy. He’ll need time to mourn the loss of his old life. And time to learn all he needs to know about his new life. Don’t expect him to waltz into his gluten free world without some bumps in the road.

    Be strict. I remember the first few weeks after my diagnosis telling Mrs. Dude that I can’t make any promises that I won’t cheat. Well, she gave me the death stare and got her point across quite clearly. And I have never cheated…not even once. I’m not saying it has to fall on you to make sure your friend doesn’t cheat, but don’t make it easy either. Never give your approval. Never encourage him to just “take a bite” of your pizza. And if you’ve got a death stare, now is the right time to bring it out.

    Be educated. As your friend is trying to digest the celiac diagnosis, it may be too much for him to learn all he needs to know. Read, read and read some more about celiac disease and gluten. There is a wealth of information out there. Know as much as you can possibly know. Knowledge is power.

    Be there. He will need you now more than ever.

    What about you folks? What advice would you offer?

  • Dear Dude: How do I convince my son to take his celiac disease seriously?

    Dear Dude: How do I convince my son to take his celiac disease seriously?

    I had an interesting relationship with my dad. He was my little league coach. He was my golfing partner. He called me his little buddy. He was all around just a great, great guy. I was the fourth out of 4 boys and as I look back, by the time my parents got to me (pleading for a girl I’m sure), I feel they checked out of the “parenting” department a bit.

    As I got older (I was going to say ‘as I matured’, but who am I kidding?), I realized he had his demons, just as we all do, and he did his absolute best with what he had. Sadly those demons took him away from us when he was only 68.

    So cheers to my dad and all the dads out there who are simply doing their best!

    Which leads me to an email I received yesterday from a father whose son has had celiac disease since a young age and is now in his 20’s but refuses to take his celiac disease seriously and is paying the price for it. He is asking me for advice. And I am asking you to share yours as well. Here is his email:

    Dear Gluten Dude,

    I am a father of a 25 year old son who has had a celiac disease diagnosis since he was six. From puberty onwards he has more or less neglected his gluten-free diet and has had problems ever since with his education, having had mental problems like depressed feelings, anxiety, concentration problems and probably brain fog, of which I thought that at least there was a (big) chance that they (and so his complete life) could be positively influenced by him accepting his celiac disease and sticking to a gluten free diet.

    In the continuing process of wanting to help him, I have given him your book some years ago because I think it has the exact right tone for people like him and so it might convince him. He didn’t read it though, which I regret very much.

    He is not easy in discussions but in the latest serious discussion, he used the argument of getting more abdominal problems while sticking to a diet (he has tried it for some months a couple of years ago) and therefore the strange idea that he might not have celiac disease. I have to say here that at 6 he had both positive serology and a complete villous atrophy. So of course I have try to convince him that it is just a fact. He has celiac disease and it is not going away.

    As parents we are quite desperate and even his friends see him in a position now where he makes life very hard for himself and they start to worry about his situation living on its own after a relationship breakup.

    It is hard to help someone who sort of refuses it and denies his situation.

    Do you have any advice which could make a breakthrough?

    There’s an old proverb that says “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.” In human terms, this means you’ve presented all of the facts to him, but now it’s in his hands whether he wants to take action to save himself.

    I cannot imagine what his body is going through: physically and mentally. Celiac affects all parts of the body and the more he eats gluten and the more damage is done to his intestines, his condition will only worsen. I cannot fully explain why he had stomach discomfort while eating gluten-free. It could be his body adapting. It could be that he wasn’t really eating 100% gluten-free.

    But it will take more than a few months eating GF for him to begin to heal. It took me years and it was only when I really changed my way of eating did I begin the healing process.

    You are seriously a good man and your son is lucky. If he keeps eating gluten though, his luck may run out.

    If anyone out there in celiac land has some input/advice, please share. Thank you.

    Dude Note: If you’ve never heard the song Father and Son by Cat Stevens, give it a listen. I used to listen to this song over and over again when I was a kid. For some reason, it just struck a chord with me. And it still does.